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Friday, August 26, 2011

Email Heights

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:- Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded                                                        back to you by someone in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:- Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:- Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:- Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:- The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:- Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:- A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Newton's laws of software

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work                  by manager.

Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes              place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted                  from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[waiter leaves]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!



The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00

12 Step Recovery Program for Web Addicts

51) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Soaps Too Cute to Bath with














Flowers that Look Like Birds




English ka Balatkaar

An essay written on INDIAN COW by a candidate appearing for IAS exam.
This was published in the Marathi daily news paper - Loksatta

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

BMW reveals its new electric future .BMW has pulled the wraps off two brand new 'i' cars, the company's first ever electric cars.

The i3 city car and the i8 supercar are the first electric cars from the German firm and they could be in production as early as 2013. Courtesy: BMW
 


The electric motor over the rear axle – which generates output of 125 kW/170 hp and impressive torque of 250 Nm (184 lb-ft) from a standstill – and a small turning circle combine to deliver pleasingly agile driving characteristics..

The BMW i3 Concept accelerates from 0 to 60 km/h (37 mph) in under four seconds and from rest to 100 km/h (62 mph) in less than eight seconds.
The so-called Life module conjures up a feeling of space inside the car more generous than even the latest conversion vehicles can offer.
Select materials lend the open and airy cabin a lounge-like character. The use of renewable raw materials is another defining characteristic of the interior, offering passengers a further means of "experiencing" the sustainability of the vehicle
Parts of the instrument panel and door panelling are visibly made from natural fibres, while the naturally tanned leather of the There is no centre tunnel bisecting the cabin and the interior thus creates a very free, open and airy impression.

The passengers sit in a raised "semi-command" position which provides a good view over the hustle and bustle of city traffic and, at the same time, eases access to the seats.
The full-width seat benches in the front and rear create a new and connecting feeling of space for the passengers in the light interior.
This layout also allows them to swap from one side of the car to the other and, if necessary, to all exit the car comfortably on the same side.
This represents a major boost to comfort in tight parking spaces and when access to one side of the parked car is impeded.
A distinctive element of the light interior is the freestanding steering column. All the driving-oriented controls – such as the instrument cluster, start/stop button and gearshift lever – can be found here, rendering a centre console superfluous. Behind the steering column the extremely intricate yet extensive instrument panel spans the interior. It begins at the air vents next to the steering wheel, continues in a line around the steering column, including the radio and climate controls, and finally moves on to the front passenger. Shortly before the front passenger door it then shears upwards, heads back towards the centre of the interior and reaches the end of its journey in the central information display (CID) monitor positioned above the control panel for the radio and climate system. Around the displays, by contrast, the instrument panel generates an almost calligraphic surface design in which one large, wide surface sweeps prominently into a narrower and more delicate counterpart, before culminating in another wide section. The CID and control unit therefore present an attractive contrast to the clear, precise borders of the instrument panel.
The BMW i3 Concept is an uncompromisingly sustainable vehicle designed for urban areas. Driven purely by electric power and purpose-built to meet the demands of sustainable and emission-free mobility. It embodies an intelligent form of urban transportation and commuting.
The BMW i3 is a well-resolved all-round concept, with every detail conceived and optimised to fulfil its eventual purpose. Its innovative LifeDrive architecture renders the BMW i3 Concept light, safe, spacious and dynamic.
Innovative use of materials and intelligent lightweight design, moreover, not only enable the i3 Concept to travel long distances on a single charge and provide superb safety in the event of a collision. They also help give the car its excellent driving dynamics.
The electric motor over the rear axle – which generates output of 125 kW/170 hp and impressive torque of 250 Nm (184 lb-ft) from a standstill – and a small turning circle combine to deliver pleasingly agile driving characteristics. The BMW i3 Concept accelerates from 0 to 60 km/h (37 mph) in under four seconds and from rest to 100 km/h (62 mph) in less than eight seconds.
The so-called Life module conjures up a feeling of space inside the car more generous than even the latest conversion vehicles can offer.
Select materials lend the open and airy cabin a lounge-like character. The use of renewable raw materials is another defining characteristic of the interior, offering passengers a further means of "experiencing" the sustainability of the vehicle. Parts of the instrument panel and door panelling are visibly made from natural fibres, while the naturally tanned leather of the seats creates a lounge-style ambience. With four seats, wide-opening opposing "coach" doors, a boot capacity of around 200 litres and an additional functional compartment in the front, the BMW i3 Concept is neatly equipped for the demands of everyday use
Innovative connectivity functions create a seamless connection between the BMW i3 Concept and its customers' lives outside the car.
Remote functions accessible via a smartphone enable owners to find their vehicles, flag up nearby charging stations, allow battery charging and preconditioning at the touch of a button, and supply information on the current status of the vehicle.
Meanwhile, intelligent BMW Connected Drive assistance systems ease the stress on drivers in monotonous city driving situations and allow them to arrive at their destination more safely and in a more relaxed state of mind.
Dynamic and compact proportions showcase the agility of the BMW i3 Concept and the its electric drive train. From the side view, the window graphics and door sills combine to create a dynamic wedge shape, giving the car the feeling of pushing forward before it even turns a wheel.
From the outside, a flowing silhouette and long wheelbase hint at the extraordinarily generous levels of space on offer in the interior, while short front and rear overhangs make parking in tight spaces that much easier.
Practicality gets another boost from the “coach doors”, whose opposing construction creates a fresh new way of accessing the large, open spaces of the interior.
Extensive glass surfaces and black elements like the window surrounds and door sills give the vehicle a feeling of lightness and, together with the exposed carbon structures, draw attention to its low weight. Large narrow 19-inch wheels add further impact to the dynamic side profile.
The front end of the BMW i3 Concept has a very clear and uncluttered design. The dominant element here is the strikingly moulded kidney grille which has the hallmark BMW i blue background and – thanks to the car's all-electric drive system – is totally blanked off.
Below the kidney grille the silver-coloured layer lends the sculptural front apron its form. Black surfaces identify the functional areas of the front end, such as the load compartment under the bonnet and the air inlets.
Clearly defined AirCurtains also lend visible expression to the honed aerodynamics of this BMW i model. The eye-catching LED headlights usher in a fresh take on BMW light design.
Along with the strikingly formed kidney grille, the LED-backlit U-shaped lines form an important part of the arresting new BMW i face.
The large, retractable rear window offers optimum access to the luggage compartment, and the roof pillars stand upright to create as much space as possible in the interior.
The rear window is also home to the tail lights, which are U-shaped (like the headlights) and appear to be floating in the glass.
Behind it lies an extremely versatile boot area, whose capacity can be further increased by folding down the rear seats.
The wide, silver-coloured rear diffuser marks the body's lowest edge and allows the driver to experience the car's efficient aerodynamics.
Bordered by a blue layer, the diffuser tapers heavily towards the road and appears to continue underneath the car.
The form of the diffuser underlines the car's powerful stance. A sportier version can be found on the BMW i8 Concept, forging a link between the two models.
The version of the LifeDrive architecture that underlies the BMW i3 Concept opens up totally new avenues in interior design.

***********Pictures & Information taken from yahoo.com***********